Falling in love
by OwlSky15678
Summary: You know what hurts more than getting shot, stabbed and beaten up? Falling in love, it hurts more than any of those things ever could. Most people say falling in love is the best thing ever but, for me, it isn't. Sherlock's POV. Johnlock. 1/1


**Okay, this is my way of getting stuff out in a FanFiction :D let's get my feelings into something useful. Changing my feelings to Johnlock is quiet easy to be honest with you. It's short but so what, I gave you something! So enjoy :) **

**DISCLAMER: I don't own Sherlock**

**-OwlSky15678**

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**Falling in love**

You know what hurts more than getting shot, stabbed and beaten up? Falling in love, it hurts more than any of those things ever could. Most people say falling in love is the best thing ever but, for me, it isn't. Love is a problem for me. My heart is broken into millions of pieces and I don't know what part to follow, also I don't think it will ever be fully fixed. To be honest with you, I'm scared of falling in love. But there's no turning back now.

My name is Sherlock Holmes and I've fallen in love with my flat mate and best friend, John Watson. No problem right? Well there is a big problem. John… let's say, is a very public straight guy. He constantly says he's "Not gay!" whenever anyone suspects me and him are a couple. I've done the worst thing for a gay person to do. If you're gay, lesbian or bi do not fall for someone who's straight. Just fight the feeling off because if you ignore the feeling it will just grow inside of you, then you'll never get rid of it. I can't have the only other person I've fallen in love with since the Trevor incident (and I'm not getting into that).

I tried, okay. I tried my hardest to not fall in love with him but I couldn't stop the growing feeling in my heart. It spread throughout my body and flooded into every cell in my body and now I can't get it out. If you knew what John had done for me you'd see why I fell for him. So, I'll tell you so you don't just tell me 'to get over him'. He's one of the only people to expect me for who I am, he calls my deductions amazing and brilliant, he can put up with the violin at three in the morning, run around London at the dead of night to chase a mass-murder and he cancels dates just to look after my stupid injures after dangerous cases. John is special to me and no one can tell me differently.

I've wanted to tell him how I feel. I've planned it out in my mind but I can never say it out loud. The complements make me blush and being around him just makes me smile even if I've had a rubbish night or the family are being a pain. Maybe he's noticed but he's never said anything. He knows I'm gay, I came out to him ages ago, but he doesn't know I like him more than a friend. How can I tell him? I don't want to lose my friendship over the chemicals in my body. His friendship is too special to me. I can't lose anyone as amazing as him, I won't let it happen.

He probably doesn't see what I see in him, I know he doesn't. But I can see past the scarring on his shoulder, the mental pain left from the war and all the problems he has ever suffered and see someone beautiful. I see someone blossomed with beauty and a caring heart. I see someone I want to be able to save and drive the past away from them. I want to be their future but I can't... I'm just a friend.

John doesn't see me in the same way than I see him and that's become the problem. I keep getting the urge to hug him, hold his hand and gaze into those never-ending blue eyes with the constant tiny pupils (and no, he's not high).

But I hold hope for our love. Even after all this confusion I still hold hope. He complements me with things like "you're very special", "you're irreplaceable" and he picked me over his favourite celebrity to go to the moon with. But then I think that maybe, I'm taking those complements the wrong way. Maybe he just says them in friendly way and I'm the stupid one.

Nothing is useful for me right now. Nowhere in my mind palace there a door for 'how to ask someone if they like you more than a friend if they obviously don't like your genitals?'. I've asked for help but the advice was no good. I don't have the guts to just ask him out.

We've joked about dating. Some people are convinced we are dating. But we just laugh it off and make jokes about it but I can't help but wonder: what about if we were going out? I just can't get him out of my mind! He's going to send me crazy (and I'm crazy as it is).

I know it is love for me, I know what love feels like but, I also know what heartbreak feels like. I don't want to ever go through that pain again. It felt like my ex had pulled out my heart with his pair hands, ripped it up in front of my face and scattered the pieces all over the world. Then they said to me, "Go and fix it yourself" and left you alone and feeling empty. You are left thinking that they are the only one to fix your broken and aching heart because they know where the pieces are. I've collected a few of the pieces but I'm still left craving to be loved when I'm down in the middle of the night. That's what I'm scared of, going through that pain again. I don't want to feel that again. It effects your whole body, your mood and you just spend your time crying. You can't be around the person without feeling sad. I don't want any of that again.

One day I'll tell him how I feel. I'm hoping someday soon. Maybe he will say yes but that's only in my dreams because who would fall in love with me? Who would fall in love with a highly functioning sociopath? Who would fall in love with someone who solves murders instead of getting high? Who would fall in love with Sherlock Holmes?

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**I quite like this style. I know it's short but another chapter of my teenlock fic (He's growing on me- Teenlock) should be up soon so look out for that :D**

**-OwlSky15678**


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